Waiting...

The sunshine has been out all day and I'm so thankful to see it. I've looked out of my bedroom window several times this afternoon and imagined many happy mama and daddy birds returning to Virginia to make new families. With the bright, clear blue sky and warmer temperatures, it certainly would have been a pleasant Spring day to fly.

I have informed my work that I will not be returning this week. I need to give my cracked rib ample time to settle before being "up and around". After reading some online articles and talking with a few friends who've had cracked or broken ribs, I've gotten a better idea of the healing process. Everyone recommends five to seven days of bed-rest. Then it takes anywhere from three to six weeks for a cracked rib to completely heal. I'm hoping to return to work next Monday. In the meantime, I'll do what work I can from home.

A friend sent me the quote I've included below. The writer appears to be "anonymous" but it encouraged me nonetheless. The text is actually in the form of a prayer from God:

"My child, when I call you to wait I have not abandoned [you]. When I do not answer “yes” or “no,” it does not mean I do not hear, nor that my hand is shortened. I shall reveal to you all things. You are not engaged in a guessing game against your Heavenly Father. I do not stand capriciously with a good gift hidden in one hand, asking you to guess and grapple. I know your frame, and I remember that you are dust. You do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with your weakness. I see your hands, stretched out in surrender, shaking. But I do not laugh at your weakness. I do not hold my plan out of your view. Oh my child, have I not promised to provide? Have I not promised to hold your hand and to guide you in righteousness? You ask for my will, and your soul grows weary in the waiting. Do not fear, my little one. I am near, and I know. I do not send you uncertainty to see if you can wander through it. I know that you cannot. You are fallen; I am on high; you are broken; I define what is whole; you are incomplete, and I am the One in whom all fullness dwells. My child, I hold your hand."

Thankful Thursday

Already today, the pain from my cracked rib was less. I spent a quiet day in my room resting, reading, and using my computer. Mom has been administering the pain medication on a regular schedule, which helps my adrenal system. I am able to take less Prednisone when the pain is managed correctly. This morning, we called my endocrinologist so he would be aware of what happened. He wanted me to visit the emergency room for a blast of Hydrocortizone (at least 40mg of steroids taken intravenously all at once). However, we explained to him how my body does better when I take Prednisone little bits at a time throughout the day.

So for now, my endocrinologist and hematologist agreed to the current treatment plan. Of course, my parents will take me to the hospital if things get worse. Thankfully so, for at least right now, the healing process is going in a positive direction. I'm also very grateful tonight for my family who make up my wonderful "team" of nurses. Finally, thank you to those who are praying and encouraging me through little acts of kindnesses. It is keeping my spirits uplifted!

I have praised the Lord several times today that my rib was not completely broken. As Mom stated, I am able to breathe this time. There are still many blessings through this newest trial. "The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace." -Psalm 29:11

March Madness

I've heard the term "March Madness" used to describe the month of March. Usually, the phrase refers to the beginning of basketball season or the unstable weather patterns. For me, though, this March has been filled with much health-related "madness". I reviewed my monthly planner today and realized that I've missed a lot of work hours in just the past twenty-four days. I also had many days where I wrote down to-do tasks or events and then scratched through my writing. Instead, the words "sick" were written down with a yellow highlighter.

The "up" side of the March Madness, though, is that I've been able to stay home without entering the hospital. Even during the presence of mouth sores, a thirty-six hour flu a pre-Remicade flare up, and an intense allergic reaction to aspartame, I've been able to manage the "downs" with doctor visits, careful monitoring, and medicines. Last week, I came close to entering the hospital, but Mom helped me balance my electrolytes in addition to figuring out what was causing the allergic reaction. At work, I stayed very busy assisting consumers, attending meetings, starting new projects, and keeping the stack of paperwork to a minimum.

As I reminisce about this month, I am reminded that, "In his heart, a man plans his course but it is the LORD who determines his steps". While I may call this month "March Madness," no event in actuality, whether it be positive or negative, is really "madness" to God. Every circumstance is already known by the Sovereign Lord and planned for our good. So tonight, we can trust and rest in Jesus, even though chaos, disguised as madness, may surround us.

Jesus, I Am Resting, Resting:

Jesus! I am resting, resting
In the joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.
Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee,
And Thy beauty fills my soul,
For, by Thy transforming power,
Thou hast made me whole.

Oh, how great Thy loving kindness,
Vaster, broader than the sea:
Oh, how marvelous Thy goodness,
Lavished all on me!
Yes, I rest in Thee, Beloved,
Know what wealth of grace is Thine,
Know Thy certainty of promise,
And have made it mine.

Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus,
I behold Thee as Thou art,
And Thy love, so pure, so changeless,
Satisfies my heart,
Satisfies its deepest longings,
Meets, supplies its every need,
Compasseth me round with blessings,
Thine is love indeed.

Ever lift Thy face upon me,
As I work and wait for Thee;
Resting 'neath Thy smile, Lord Jesus,
Earth's dark shadows flee.
Brightness of my Father's glory,
Sunshine of my Father's face,
Keep me ever trusting, resting,
Fill me with Thy grace.

"Heaven(ly) Thoughts"

Today the sun came out for the first time in many days. It's still chilly, but the sun was a delight to see. At one point, my co-workers and I had our noses pressed against the windows watching the clouds fade away. It was like elementary school when even the whisper of "snow" had my friends and me running to the windows for a closer look. Tomorrow is supposed to be sunny and warm(er)... what a treat!

The last few days, I have been thinking a lot about Heaven. I think it's a combination of the dismal weather, my own HPS flare ups, and the news that several acquaintances (specifically Rhonda) have gone away to their eternal homes. At one point over the weekend, while lying quietly on my bed, the verse "Be still and know that I am God" came to mind. That Scripture, from Psalm 46:10, comforted my soul.

Then on Sunday morning when I didn't feel well enough to attend church, I instead listened to hymns and praise choruses broadcasted on the radio before falling into a deep, healing sleep. Ironically, most of the songs I heard were about Heaven. There was one chorus in particular that made me start to cry, because I imagined Rhonda singing the lyrics upon entering Heaven and seeing the Lord.

Saturday Night

It's amazing that I used to spend the week before Remicade in bed. I still had two sleepless nights this week and my ears hurt, but compared to what I used to endure, I really have reason to praise the Lord. I got the Remicade infusion yesterday. The nurse found a vein on the first try, but it was a small one, so my arm is quite bruised and sore. Today, I have been resting and taking it easy all day, so that I can hopefully attend church tomorrow.

Thursday Night

All is well, but I am too tired tonight to post. I will update tomorrow. Mom and Qavah are enjoying themselves. My health has been stable this week; praise the Lord!

Winter Writings

True to Virginia weather, we woke up this morning to a blanket of snow. Yes, on March first! Actually, the snow began last night, but quickly tapered off early this morning. Then about mid-afternoon, it began to snow again and has been falling ever since. Qavah finally got her long-awaited, much-anticipated winter weather. It has created a lot of "wonder," too! I think it's amusing and neat that she is going to see snow and play in the beach within the same week.

There is a peace with the winter wonderland that I see outside my bedroom window. It makes me want to whisper like the first time Lucy visited Narnia. I don't want to disturb the critters hiding below the snow.

Everything that is completely covered in the snow looks fresh and clean. As I took some pictures and video outside, I was reminded of Psalm 51:7-8 which states, "Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice."

Heavenly Father, I thank You for making snow. The whiteness and stillness that I see outside is a picture of what happens to my soul within when I surrender it to You. Today, my bones rejoice with joy and gladness for the way You, Lord, cleanse my soul. Continue to mold my life to be whiter than snow. Amen.