"Window into Wednesday"

It has not been a good day health-wise. I think another bacterial infection is attacking me. I have an appointment with my PCP at 8:30am tomorrow for lab work. Infections are common when the immune system is suppressed, while taking Methotrexate. My body is doing so much better physically with the Methotrexate that, while I do not prefer set-backs, I am willing to put up with them.

In other news, I emailed the senior thesis' bibliography to my instructor this afternoon. That was a source of encouragement to me, as I had a personal goal to complete that this week. The Lord is working through my weaknesses and thus, I am able to accomplish my college assignments, despite the daily health challenges. I broke up the senior thesis' assignments into "bite size" pieces, so I wouldn't be overwhelmed with the amount of work required to finish by April 11.

Research Madness

I just got back from the Law Library in downtown Roanoke. It was very inspiring! At the library, there are shelves upon shelves filled with books containing cases related to our locality, State, and Nation. The librarian was very helpful, so I got all of the information I needed in a timely manner. However, I never realized until today how quickly "ten cents per copy" (per sheet) can add up! I want to thank Donna for driving me. We were able to catch-up, so the trip was both productive and fun.

You can tell there is some serious studying going on in my bedroom by looking at the stash of "snacks" on my desk: goldfish crackers, mike and ikes, starbursts, conversation hearts, and rice chex cereal. I used to have a box of Dots, too, but I got tired of them. Mom jokingly said to me yesterday, "When Dr. V told you to graze on food all day long, I don't think he meant eating Dots!" The snacks are actually lasting a long time. I'm also brushing my teeth often.

Weekend Adventures

It has been a good weekend with only a few health challenges. I couldn't get going Friday morning, but by the afternoon, I was in the car with Paul Burton. We ran errands and had fun shopping together. I'm searching for the appropriate mp3 player, so Paul Burton helped me explore my options. I'm wanting to buy a player I can use on Remicade Day and I'm not necessarily looking for an iPod, although I haven't totally ruled that out. Saturday, Mom, Qavah and I ran more errands. Saturday night, I was able to do a bit of college work.

I had planned on attending church today, but it didn't happen. Even though I went to bed early and had a full night of sleep, I woke up this morning to adrenal insufficiency issues. It took one and a half hours before I felt better. By then, Dad and Paul Burton were at church. Mom stayed home with Qavah and me. However, the morning was not wasted! After Qavah's bath, we met back in my room. Qavah played on my bed, while Mom and I completed two days of Bible study homework. We are doing a six-week Beth Moore study titled Stepping Up. It is a study on the Psalms of Ascents (Psalms 120-134). Today's lessons were about the Peace of Jerusalem, the importance of serving (and being served by) a local church, and the "One enthroned above". I appreciate how this particular study shares the Jewish customs, then teaches how their traditions apply to Christians' lives today.

Tonight, our family attended a concert by a local church that puts on a Fine Arts series for the community. This concert featured the Marian Anderson String Quartet, composed of two violinists, one cellist, and one violist. These four ladies were all African American, wonderful musicians, and had enthusiastic personalities. On the way home, we picked up hamburgers to eat in the warmth of our own kitchen. It was a splendid way to end an enjoyable Sabbath. Below are a few pictures of the evening:

Thursday's Troubles and Revelations

There are some weeks that I rather not remember. This one being one of them. It has not been a good week health wise and I haven't gotten anywhere near what I wanted to accomplish with my schoolwork. Fortunately, the week is not over. And in the grand scheme of things, I know each day occurred just the way the Lord wanted it to for my benefit.

Below is a video of a Chris Rice song titled 8th Grade. The chorus, in particular, ran through my mind late this afternoon as I finally succumbed to God's plan for my day. Even though I was home-schooled during the 8th grade, I attended VSDB in 9th grade, so I can picture the scenarios Chris Rice portrays in this song. The chorus, though, is the heart of the song and what really relates to this post. So, here are the lyrics to the chorus:

Lyrics: (emphasis mine)
Why does the past always seem safer?
Maybe because at least we know we made it
And why do we worry about the future?
When every day will come just the way the Lord ordained it
You can believe it, yeah, just like the 8th grade.

Video:

Finally, here is a poem a friend sent to me today. It encouraged me, so I hope it does for you, too. I do not know who wrote it.

"God is in every tomorrow,

Therefore I live for today,

Certain of finding at sunrise,

Guidance and strength for the way;

Power for each moment of weakness,

Hope for each moment of pain,

Comfort for every sorrow,

Sunshine and joy after rain."

Senior Thesis

Today, was a productive Monday, although it got off to a rough start. I woke up this morning with muscle tetany and back pain. I've learned that extreme pain which can occur during the "normal" digestive process makes my electrolytes off balance, sending me into tetany. It's just a surprise to wake up from an uneventful night to those sensations! Fortunately, because of your prayers, Mom knows just what to do. After the appropriate doses of electrolytes and a microwaved heating pad on my back, I was enough better within the hour to get up.

I was able to get a good way's on my Bibliography research, although I didn't actually read any articles today. I had a lot of preliminary work to do. I also spent a few hours emailing and phone calling to various libraries and organizations. I even spoke with the the professor overseeing my Senior Thesis and I tentatively scheduled a visit at her office in Staunton in the beginning of February. While I realize I need to be flexible, all of this planning and researching is very exciting!

Several of you have asked about the specifics of my senior thesis. It is a 30-50 page research paper with the first draft due March 21. The final draft is due a month later. I'm actually the only political science student graduating from Mary Baldwin College this semester. The research question (and thus the senior "topic") is, "How did Megan's Law reach Virginia's policy agenda?"

In a nutshell, policy agenda is a political science term, meaning how problems or issues are expressed in the world of politics and what consequences these issues have for governmental action and/or policy-setting. Agenda setting involves all the groups and solutions related to the event, topic or problem at hand.

Megan's Law is:

"An informal name for laws in the United States requiring law enforcement authorities to make information available to the public regarding registered sex offenders. Individual states decide what information will be made available and how it be disseminated." (Wikipedia Online)

I decided to do my senior thesis on Virginia's "Megan's Law," because of my interest in child advocacy and possible job in the social services' field.

New Week

It's Sunday night and I'm already looking at my planner for the week ahead. The biggest thing I hope to accomplish is the Bibliography (and then some) on my senior research paper. Fortunately, I only have one doctor appointment, so I plan to spend the majority of the week in my bedroom office where it's warm and cozy.

Today, was a neat Sabbath day. I was able to attend Church this morning, which I really needed. I so miss going. The sermon was on 2 Corinthians 5:1-5 and titled, "Confident Longing for a Heavenly Dwelling". I found the sermon to be bittersweet, as I so often feel the "tug" between the life God has for me here and the hope of my eternal home in Heaven.

After a quick nap this afternoon, our family went to Colin's home for a family night and celebration of his birthday (we weren't able to get together last week due to my Ativan taper). When we got there, Colin had a couple from their church visiting, so we played a word game together that I've never played before. I got second place, losing by only four points, which of course is not my preference. (I rather win or lose by a lot.) Paul Burton plucked his guitar in between his turns and it was good to hear him play again. Colin turned thirty on January twelve, so Jenn put the candles in the shape of 3-0. Colin blew out all of the candles at once! Below are some pictures:

Political Humor

I added a new slide show on the right side of the screen. Although I couldn't include all the pictures I wanted to, the slide show does chronicle my life with HPS over the past year and half. Thank you, Heather, for sending me the directions of how to embed the slide show!

Since most of my recent posts have been "deep," I decided to post something less wordy and a little more on the lighter side. Anyone who knows me understands that I am a Conservative. Thus, one my friends sent this to me via e-mail. It is "tongue and cheek". At least, I hope you enjoy it.

In order to be a liberal:

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat than nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Iran or Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV'S.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but PETA activists do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

12. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

13. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, or Abraham Lincoln.

14. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

15. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

16. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens and transvestites should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

17. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.

Childhood Memories

Yesterday night, I spent some time stamping. I recently bought three new sets, so that's a lot of stamps to try! Today, after my doctor's appointment, Mom and I shopped for groceries. It was rather crowded due to the impending forecast of a "wintry mix" tonight and tomorrow. Anyway, I bought a few more storage bins and then came home and re-organized my bedroom office. Now with a clean office, I finally feel ready to tackle that Senior paper! It's actually been a busy week, so I haven't gotten any schoolwork accomplished, but I hope to do some before Sunday.

There is a book I've been reading recently. It's titled Jane Austen and Her Times, 1775-1817, authored by G.E. Mitton. I've never read a book related to Jane Austen quite like this one. Sometimes Mitton can be a bit technical in his observations of the 18th century. However, for any Jane Austen fan, it's definitely worth reading! Below is a quote I've been wanting to blog about for some time now:

"The impressions of childhood are invariably deep, and are cut with a clearness and minuteness to which none others of later times attain. Just as a child examines a picture in a storybook with anxious and searching care, while an adult gains only a general impression of the whole, so a child knows the place where it has played in such detail that every bough of the trees, every root of the lilacs, every tiny depression or ditch is familiar. And this Jane must have known the home at Steventon [where she spent much of her childhood]."

I've been pondering this quote for days as I observe Qavah playing and participating in the world around her. Children do pay more attention to the details of Life than adults. And it is fun to watch Qavah with storybooks! I love to read to myself, but reading to Qavah becomes an event in itself. Her comments add personality, texture, and attention to details that I often overlook in my hurriedness to finish the book. It's similar to the feeling you get when a 2-D decorating thought becomes a 3-D reality.

Mitton is correct when he exclaims that children know in detail where they've played. We've lived in our current home for almost eleven years. However, much of my "growing up" and "childhood play" occurred in our former home.

To this day, I still remember those play sites, sounds and feelings with vivid clarity. I remember my favorite indoor and outdoor play locations. On rainy days, Paul Burton and I would use laundry baskets and grownup fur coats to become lemmings. The basket was our home and Mom even let us eat some pieces of lettuce, like real lemming creatures. I also spent many hours with my home-made doll house that actually included two stairways and real lighting!

Outside, we had the coolest backyard with mini woods. On the side of the house opposite the garage we had those bushes that contain red berries. I remember as a little girl making dinner for my "family" out of leaves, sticks, and berries. It was so much fun to let my imagination explore, dream, and create. I also remember thinking as a child that my "play" world was just as serious, if not more so, than Mom's "adult" world!

In our current home, I have "childhood" memories of the creek and now our backyard swing set. I'm thankful to have a little person in the house again, so we can remember the joys of "play". As an "adult," my play includes reading, writing, computers, friends and scrapbooking. However, I often observe Qavah and think to myself, "Her play is more fun than mine!" Thankfully, she's always ready for me to join her world.

G.I. Appointment

This afternoon, Mom and I attended my GI appointment. We visited the doctor's office bearing gifts! Actually, the presents (one for Dr. Van der Linden and one for his nurse) were the last ones under our Christmas tree for the longest time, so it was nice to finally be able to deliver them. We gave my GI doctor a hand-made calligraphy of Isaiah 54:13, "All your children shall be taught of the Lord and great shall be the peace of your children". The calligraphy was done by a family friend who is very talented. In fact, she does calligraphy for weddings and other events through her home business. To visit her website, click here: Susan Dobyns.com

When we first gave Dr. Van der Linden the gift, he said, "I've actually never really had a patient give me a Christmas gift before. Sometimes at a former hospital [where there were a lot of male patients], I would occasionally receive jars of jelly, turkey meat, venison sausage, but nothing like this gift I got today". Mom and I roared with laughter! Below are two pictures; if you left click with your mouse over the pictures, it enlarges them. In the second picture, you can actually read the verse.

The actual GI appointment went very well, too. I appreciate how involved Dr. Van der Linden is with my care. We discussed a new drug to try to ease my pancreas issues. I begin that drug soon. We also decided to stretch my Remicade treatment to six weeks, because the Methotrexate is helping my body so much. At one point during our discussion, Dr. Van der Linden exclaimed to me, "You look wonderful! I am actually getting tears in my eyes looking at you!" He also mentioned that doctors go into the profession to help their patients, and when a patient comes back after treatment looking so well, it can give the doctor much joy.

Please continue to pray for Dr. Van der Linden, his wife, and their daughter. Dr. V and his wife hope to travel soon to get their three additional children from Russia.

Overcoming Addictions

"I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore." -Psalm 121:1-8

I've been pondering this Psalm all day. It certainly speaks of the protection God had over our household and, specifically, my life this past weekend. As Mom wrote on the Campbell Family Journal website, I had some difficulty adjusting to the tapering of my pain medication. Actually, "some difficulty" is putting it gently. Now that the first taper is "complete," I'm composed enough to talk about it.

Let me back up and say that I usually only take Ativan (and Dilaudid) for extreme pain. Sometimes, I can go several days or an entire week without taking Ativan or Dilaudid. However, over Christmas, when I was having that extreme abdominal and pancreatic pain, I had to take Ativan and Dilaudid on a regular basis. This is how I became addicted to them.

Now, back to this weekend. Ativan, by its very nature, can cause psychological and physical dependency. It's highly addictive, so just a few days of constant use can cause total dependency. Thus, tapering of such a medication can cause serious withdrawal symptoms that effect every part of the body, including mental and emotional. Well, I am not immune to experiencing these symptoms and that was definitely obvious this past weekend. Without going into too much detail, every part of my body- from personality, mental reasoning to physical- was extremely affected. And my family not only had to live with me, but also try to help me, while my body adjusted to the taper! I felt this first Ativan taper more keenly, because (1) I wanted to increase the taper schedule, due to upcoming events and my college studies and (2) because of my absorptions issues related to HPS.

I told Mom today that I do not know why the Lord had me experience the withdrawal symptoms, but I'm thankful I do not live that way everyday. I'm also grateful I did not develop this Ativan dependency until now. Based on this past weekend's events, I can honestly state that I truly understand why some people would use illegal means to get more pain medication, (just so they wouldn't have to experience the withdrawal symptoms), especially if these people do not have a relationship with the Lord or a supportive family. Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose," thus God had reasons for having our family experience what we did this weekend. Maybe someday I will have an opportunity to reach out to children or adults with what I've experienced this past weekend. Maybe you're reading this post even now and realize for the first time that it is possible to overcome addictions. However, I will tell you first-hand that you cannot do it alone or in your own strength and will-power. You can not even do it overnight or in a few days. It takes weeks, months, years, and sometimes an entire life- depending on the addiction. It also takes submitting (humbling) yourself to the Lord and others.

In the future, I am going to take the Ativan taper more slowly. With the new schedule, I should be complete with the taper by early March. Each taper will begin on Friday afternoon, thus giving me the "weekend" to recover. Everyday, though, I do feel the withdrawal symptoms on a mild level. For example, today I just didn't have energy or the ability to concentrate for most of the day. Thus, I ask for prayer. I need prayer to be patient, as well as continued prayer of protection, clarity of mind, and physical strength. I also ask that you pray for my family, as they assist me with this process. Thank you!

Tuesday's Tracks

I was going to write Monday's Musings for the title and then I realized it wasn't Monday anymore! The days of this week are blurring by as I have spent most of my waking hours doing school-related work. Fortunately, the Lord is giving me incredible strength. Thus, I want to complete as many college assignments as possible on the days I feel "well," so I can rest later if my body demands it.

Tonight, I changed a few of the colors on my site in hopes that the website is easier to read. But, I have a question for my visually-impaired friends (or anyone for that matter): What blogging font do you prefer? The choices are Arial, Georgia, Trebuchet, Courier, Times, and Verdana.

A friend of mine gave me a devotional by Oswald Chambers for Christmas. I was very thankful to receive this devotional, as I had finished Spurgeon's Morning and Evening and I was looking for something else to read. This devotional has been inspiring! For example, on January sixth, the morning devotion was titled "Worship". Chambers discussed how often we view our spiritual walk with the Lord in terms of three stages: worshiping, waiting, or working. We view these three "w"s as separate and unrelated.. Chambers, however, argues that we should be doing all three everyday. In addition, Oswald Chambers defines worship as, "Giving God the best of what He has given you". Therefore, if God has given us a "waiting" period in one area of life, we can worship Him by thanking Him for the respite. Likewise, if God gives us work to do in another area of our lives, we can do the work "as unto Him" and still praise Him for the work we are able to do in His strength.

"You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might" -Deuteronomy 6:5-7 (ESV).

Saturday Night

Good evening! I have so much to write about, but it is late and I want to get a good night's sleep. I'm praying I can go to Church tomorrow morning. Actually, I also need to fix the magnification settings and my computer mouse before I make a long post.

I only wanted to write to let you know I am doing well. The Lord is amazing! I believe He is strengthening me physically, so I can finish school and accomplish some of the other tasks He wants me to do for His kingdom. This "new" physical healing is making me dream about my life for the first time in seventeen months.

I was really inspired by Grand Rounds on Friday and I pray I have other opportunities to talk with or help doctors and/or residents like that again. Mostly, I don't want future patients of rare diseases to have to experience the same doctor-patient communication battles I went through since being diagnosed with HPS. The doctor that invited me to speak also gave me a tour of the V.A. hospital in Salem. It is a really neat place with a lot of "living history," because many of the buildings were built in the 1940s and have only been mildly updated. There's even a "post office" and "barber shop" on site!

Today, I slept in for quite awhile. The Remicade treatments always make me exhausted. Then, this afternoon into evening, I had my friend Aleah over to visit. It was wonderful to see her again. We shopped at the scrapbooking store, while the rest of our time together was spent catching up on a semester's worth of happenings. Mom fixed us supper and a small "tea party". Delightful!

Christmas Memories

It was another busy day. I had an eye doctor appointment this morning that went well. I am grateful the ophthalmologist didn't use the eye drops, because they hurt so much! My eye prescription did change in just one year's time, so this afternoon, Mom and I went to Lenscrafters to get new glasses. I bought a stylish and light weight pair. Most importantly, I can now see better.

My family is beginning to put the decorations away, as our focus turns to work and school. However, many wonderful memories were made during December. I am still marveling at God's goodness in settling my body, so I could participate in the Christmas festivities. Click on the link below to view a slide show of the Christmas scrapbook I made this week. I received the scrapbook as a gift; it was so much fun putting it together! Thanks to Mom for helping me create the pages. To view the scrapbook, click on this link (the pink text): Christmas 2007 Scrapbook

New Year, New To-Do List

Today was a busy day of accomplishing paperwork, cleaning my room, writing thank-you notes, and trying to "organize my life" (ha!) before I start another semester of college work. I also did some more tweaking on the Campbell Family Journal website. I have gotten a lot done, so I'm going to bed tonight feeling happy and thankful that I was able to be up and around again.

Maybe tomorrow, I'll have time to finish my Christmas scrapbook. Then, I'd like to scan the pages and put them on here as a slide show. We'll see if I'm computer savvy enough to do that! In the morning, though, I have an eye appointment and a friend visiting at night-time. So, it's going to be another busy day.

I was going to make a list of 7 memorable events of 2007. Alas, I'm too tired. I think the top 4 memorable events would have to be:

1. Adopting Qavah
2. Learning how to balance my electrolytes
3. My Hysterectomy
4. Watching Annelise grow from an infant to a toddler

Happy New Year

Welcome to the new year. In 2008, I hope to fill this journal with many wonderful reports of God's faithfulness to me and my family. After I complete importing all of my past entries from 2007, I will do some photo-journaling, beginning with memories from last year's Christmas celebrations. Stay tuned...

Welcome

Welcome to this blog